Contemplating Careers

Right now I am absurdly happy, and I have no idea why (perhaps the rapidly ingested coffee at work). So much is going through my brain that I cannot select a prominent thought. I just went back to bed for about an hour because my music lesson today got rescheduled, but I couldn't sleep, so I just spent some time cuddling with my cute roommate (who happens to be my boyfriend of close to five years). 

(Summer 2010 - Atlantic City for my 21st birthday)

While nestling my face in the crook of his neck and trying to obtain oxygen from the crevice of his collarbone that my nose was occupying, I thought about how I am so ready to be done with grad school (or at least this semester). Throughout my time pursuing music, I have always had a lot of interests, one being medicine. I have ALWAYS been interested in medicine, but I decided to try my hand at the clarinet first (I thought this would be the easier option). Turns out, music school is really hard, and having any sort of low self-esteem or perfectionism is an enormous handicap when being faced with external and internal criticism every single day. You can't be an idiot and do well in music, either. The academic portion of it is still daunting (my initial misconception was that I wouldn't have to study at all - just play and have fun).

I like to play and perform music, but the more I work towards a career in this field, the less I enjoy it. Also, the longer I stay in music school, the less self-worth and sense of accomplishment I have (minus being able to say "I am a graduate student" or perhaps eventually "I have a graduate degree"). I would like to help people, and while I can do that through teaching, it doesn't feel as significant to me as saving people's lives might. 

Combine this with my fascination for science, and I think that after I finish this degree program (if I can make myself channel unhappy focus for that long) I will not be applying to doctoral school. I am going to work, take organic chemistry and some refresher anatomy, etc. classes at a local community college, and prepare for the MCATs. 

Something about this just feels right.